Defining moments
by adamantfire
Summary: Lupin and Tonks - how they changed each other
1. Chapter 1

They first meet in late June just a week after the Dumbledore's announcement of the return of Voldemort.

Remus arrives at 12 Grimmauld Place early – they are about to have the first meeting of the renewed Order of the Phoenix in a few hours. However, most of the Order members are already there. Since the routine of reporting death, crimes and disappearances hasn't set in yet, the old members use this reunion as an opportunity to inquire about each other's lives and wallow in war- and post-war-memories together. They stand scattered in small groups in the dimly lit hallway and the nearest rooms of the first floor and chat quietly. Many faces are immediately familiar to Remus – like it was only yesterday they last saw each other – however, the expression on them today sharply collides with his memories. Back then they were fear-exhausted, war-worn and full of forlorn hope. Today they sparkle with interest and readiness to act – their owners well rested and feeling secure in their lives. For now. Remus knows all too well that it is not going to last – if Voldemort has truly risen, he will plunge everyone back - in fear, distrust and terror. But today it still feels like some get-together event of an old Quidditch team – feeling ready to face everything and knowing the victory is at hand.

Remus himself has not come here to relive some better or worse times. Apart from these people who have lived in peace for 13 years being held in high recognition as war heroes – and therefore find it refreshingly nostalgic to look back - Remus has been struggling for survival and against public opinion ever since the war ended. For him the world hasn't been all peace and comfort, therefore he is not in a mood to discuss better times. Though he has also come here today to spend some quality time, but only with Sirius.

Being trapped in his ancestors' house for the second time of his life already, Sirius obviously enjoys having some company around and tries to play a good host – to lure everyone in as early and often as possible. Remus, who understands loneliness better than most Order members could imagine, is more than willing to help and therefore has started a habit of arriving early. He squeezes himself past some elderly wizards enthusiastically discussing the First War and finds Sirius standing beside the base of the staircase with an open bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey in hand. It seems everyone has gotten a glass (and that could be partly responsible for the pleasant atmosphere) and Sirius himself most likely has drained more than one already – judging from his beaming looks and wide, relaxed gestures. Sirius awaits his friend with a big smile and hands him a glass.

\- To my best mate, - Sirius says.

\- To your only living mate, - Remus returns jokingly. They tend to tease each other like this quite often. It simply hurts less to acknowledge the inescapable truth this way. They are in front of a new war again and they will be reminded by losing their friends again and again. It is better to get used to this now.

\- So what are we going to discuss today? – Sirius asks and puts his warm hand around Remus's shoulders. – Voldemort's plans? Movements of Deatheaters? Trolls? Dementors? Werewolves? – Sirius pokes Remus in shoulder, but Remus notices the darkening of Sirius's eyes upon mentioning _Dementors_. Each of them has past they would like to forget.

\- I guess all of the afore mentioned, Padfoot. Plus, I hear we have some new recruits.

\- Oooh! Some new ready-to-be-heroes-idealists want to become cold-flesh? – Remus gives Sirius a reproachful look. – Ok, ok. Best of luck to them. I only hope there are going to be some new women. You cannot imagine how boring it can be to play housewife all day. I need some amusement.

\- There are women in the Order already. What about, for example, Emmeline? – this time it is Sirius who returns the admonitory facial-expression.

\- Probably for you, old man. She is ancient.

In this moment the front door opens and a new witch comes in. She is young, slender and dressed for combat. But that is not what catches the eye – her hair is pink. Bubblegum pink.

\- Speaking of devil… - Sirius quietly says.

However, they only have a few seconds to appraise the newcomer, then she trips over the umbrella stand and falls to the ground with a bang.

The curtains of the portrait of Walburga Black shoot open at once and loud screaming and swearing fills the hallway. Everyone falls silent and turns. Remus and Sirius both jump forward at once. While Sirius confounds his mother, Remus helps the young witch up on her feet. She is red now from her neck to the thorny spikes of her hair. Remus who still hasn't let go of her hand is eyeing her curiously now – he could swear her hair changed color a second ago and her nose looks longer too. If someone asked he would suspect a metamorphmagus. But they are extremely rare.

\- I am so sorry for this, - Sirius, who obviously hasn't noticed a thing, jumps in between them and chivalrously snaps away her hand in the process. – I hope the portrait didn't scare you.

The girl takes a deep and nervous breath before turning to Sirius, taking a good, long look at him and answering in a loud and strong voice.

\- No, no. My grandaunt doesn't frighten me. As doesn't my cousin the notorious serial killer Sirius Black, - she falls silent obviously noticing how literally everyone is watching. However, she hesitates only for a second, then awkwardly smiles and continues in the same manner. – Wotcher! My name is Tonks. I am an Auror.


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone has finally arrived, and the meeting has started.

The Order has taken the biggest room on the ground floor – the one with the fireplace (although it is not being used during this season of the year) and an old, dark maple table in the center. It is pleasantly cool after the heat outside, though a little too dim and grim. Dumbledore is standing by the table with a pile of parchment rolls and calmly explains the situation they are facing.

Everyone is listening. Everyone - that is except for Sirius. He has taken a seat besides Remus and so far hasn't paid any attention to the unfolding meeting in front of him. They both sit at the very end of the room in the comfortable armchairs near the fireplace. Sirius is leaning over Remus's armrest and hasn't stopped delivering his thoughts in loud whispers since they sat down.

\- To be honest, I had completely forgotten about her. The last time I saw her, she was still a toddler. Can you imagine? A small, annoyingly stubborn, green-haired toddler, - a touch of resentment is audible in his voice. – And today she is _still_ just a child. I mean – _look_ at her! Look at her hair! She is still in some kind of rebellious teenage phase! An Auror?! Ready to fight Death Eaters? To Merlin's beard, is this some sick kind of a joke? I have no idea how Mad-Eye allowed her to progress this far. Are we really that desperate? – this whispering is quite disturbing as Remus has to struggle to catch every single word from Dumbledore, furthermore other members are throwing angry glances at them. But Remus has been quiet all evening and he still doesn't say a word. Sirius has to get it all out. Remus understands the real issue here – his friend is jealous. Jealous of his younger cousin for her youth and his lost time, for her freedom and his lost opportunities and most of all, that she will be out in the field while he is trapped inside this prison of a house. The arrival of this girl has thrown a halfway closed door wide open, and now all its hidden contents are revealed – jealousy and shame, disappointment and resentment, anger and regret.

It is hard for Remus to see his friend in so much pain and know the only thing he can do is listen. However, since he hasn't been there for Sirius for 12 years, while his friend went through an actual hell, it can be taken for an improvement. A deep remorse still haunts Remus every time Sirius mentions Azkaban. Remus doesn't really expect it to ever go away but that will never stop him from trying to regain Sirius's trust – even if it means sitting quiet in a room full with people and enduring their reproachful looks every 10 seconds.

However, there is something more to the way Sirius is acting right now than only pain - a will to protect. It is rather touching to see a glimpse of how his best friend has evolved and changed over these 13 years. The former Sirius would only have seen fun and amusement opportunities with someone like Tonks in the Order. The present Sirius perceives the danger and wants others to take responsibility for it. Who would have thought…

For all that Remus still gives some serious consideration whether he should or should not jokingly point out they joined the Order even younger than Tonks and far less prepared. And talking of extravagances – Sirius himself used to drive a flying motorcycle all over muggle London. A rebellious teenage phase or probably some family resemblance? But in the end Remus decides to keep his mouth shut – after all who are they to judge? An unemployed werewolf and an ex convict. Life hasn't really played out that well for them.

Yet with all of this constant mumbling at his ear Remus has been practically forced to observe his friend's cousin for 2 hours now. The girl is blameless but she is still responsible for all the fuss. Nevertheless, Remus has drawn some conclusions on his own.

First of all, she is dead clumsy – so far she has tripped 3 times, knocked over 2 coffee tables and accidentally shattered an old crystal vase near the fireplace (it was real fun seeing her apologizing - all red from hair to neck and stuttering - to Sirius, who casually cleaned away the shards; Tonks had even offered to take the remains to Magical Repair shop in Diagon Alley – if only the poor girl knew her family bonds were growing with the amount of family-labeled items shrinking).

Remus had even made a joke about this one.

\- She could be your best ally in getting rid of long hated family heirlooms, you know. Just gather everything in one room and then leave her there unattended for 5 minutes, - Remus had chuckled in Sirius's ear after watching her break the second coffee table.

\- Attended or unattended, do you honestly believe there would be any difference?

\- Actually, on the second thought, attendance would probably make her even more nervous and uncoordinated thus resulting in more disastrous results, - Remus speculated. Then it dawned on him that he was making fun about other person's undeliberate actions. He felt ashamed and dropped the subject immediately.

Remus shakes his head and returns to the list of things he has figured out about the young Auror.

She is eager. In the last 30 minutes Dumbledore has offered about 20 different tasks and positions and she has tried to assign to at least dozen of them. Luckily Dumbledore was able to calm her down saying that he has left some particularly important and dangerous missions for Aurors like her and Kingsley.

She is also friendly and not a bootlicker. Remus has seen so many young recruits trying to gain recognition in the first meeting by circling around the most important persons and unashamedly almost crawling on knees. He has always been repulsed by this kind of behavior. After Peter's betrayal even more. She so far has greeted everyone and simply taken her seat. No cutting into conversations. No trying to impress everyone with her knowledge, skills or experience. No boasting with her acquaintances – he saw how she nodded shortly to Mad-Eye and, more importantly, how Mad-Eye answered with a half-smile in his corners of mouth. Mad-Eye is not easy to befriend or impress, and this little gesture tells Remus that there is definitely more to her than her bubblegum pink hair.

And she is also weird. The girl is definitely a metamorphmagus. Sirius hasn't had to tell this to him. The way she changes her appearance… especially in strong emotions like shame definitely proves it is not deliberate. Nevertheless Remus finds her deliberate form even more intriguing since it states how she wants to be seen. And his conclusion can be stated as "deliberately different and proud of it". Bubblegum pink hair, combat outfit, body - slender and pale. Remus sees her nervousness and insecurity – it is in her movements and glances, it is all over her face. With her abilities she could morph herself into anyone and blend in perfectly. But she chooses to face the world her way, knowing and accepting it might not understand. Another characteristic - she is brave.

Remus has to admit he starts to like this girl. Even her name is unique. Tonks. Tonks… Hm… Then it dawns on him.

\- Sirius, what is her actual name? – Remus asks suddenly when the meeting is almost about to end.

Sirius bursts in chuckles immediately.

\- Nymphadora. But I would not advise to call her that if you don't want your balls hexed off. She hated that name even as a child.


	3. Chapter 3

A month has passed by.

The summer is in full swing and the things with You-Know-Who are getting more serious day by day now. The Order has gathered some valuable information and is keeping an eye on the known Death Eaters – which means the missions have also started.

Dumbledore makes a weekly plan with the places to attend and the suspects to spy on. There are always at least two Order members on one mission – a simple measure of safety. So far Remus has been paired up with Arthur, Alastor and Kingsley. He really couldn't complain, since those missions haven't been exactly dangerous or spectacular, more like just observing from distance and trying to indentify as many black-cloaked figures as possible. They are not trying to get as close as possible at this point. Not yet, at least. First they have to find out who is involved at all to keep track of them. Only then the really dangerous part of infiltrating will start. The roles have been cast: Snape gets the Death Eaters, Aurors get the ministry, Hagrid gets the giants and he, Remus, will get the werewolves. No-one has yet told this to him, but Remus knows this all too well for himself – that was the plan last time and his cover was never truly blown. All he has to do is return and say the rumors have reached him. Getting in is easy. It is getting out (and _in one piece_ for that part), what's the real trick. He will have to give up everything not to raise suspicions – his humanity as well. Remus knows his hot meals, comfortable-bed-nights and comfy evenings in front of fire are counted, nevertheless he tries not to think of it. He enjoys his time playing cards with Sirius and discussing total rubbish – the various hiding places of Kreacher and his recent-found cousin.

Since Nymphadora Tonks (Remus tries his very best not to ever let her name slip during Order meetings, since only last Thursday she crushed in the kitchen table while trying to hex Charley Weasley for calling her that) joined their ranks, Sirius has been covering this topic a lot. Remus guesses it has more to do with a family feeling though than her colorful appearance. Spending his days in the ancestor's house with the old house-elf and the portrait as constant reminders of his origins and hearing all about the cousin Bellatrix every time someone else comes by, makes Sirius think about the Blacks and their legacy a lot.

\- Funny as it may seem, her line, I mean Andromeda's the blood-traitor's, is actually the least tainted of us now. Voldemort destroyed our name more effectively than any muggle-born suitor could ever dream of, - Sirius chuckles, then becomes serious. - Imagine how it is for Tonks now since _Tonkses_ are the blood-traitors but _Blacks_ are the Death Eaters. And all of this takes place in the ministry, the Auror Office, with my wanted-poster on the wall and all those pure-blooded and pedigreed idiots around who would rather track me to Canary Islands than listen to Dumbledore and Harry about Voldemort. I honestly don't know how she does it. That girl has guts, - Sirius sounds almost impressed now. He has grown rather fond of the new Auror in the last couple of weeks. The turning point was her hexing Mundungus Fletcher in front of the whole Order for grabbing her butt, then taking his glass of firewhiskey and downing it in one gulp – Sirius roared with laughter so loud a mirror almost smashed, and after the meeting Remus saw them sharing shots of firewhiskey and telling jokes. _She is a cool kid actually_ , Sirius said afterwards.

Now Sirius has wandered off to some darker territories.

\- Who would have thought that in merely about 20 years the name of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black will fall in disgrace and almost die out, since I, - he points at himself, - am the only living male heir now and it somehow doesn't seem I am getting married any time soon, - he ends rather sourly.

\- Who would have guessed marriage being of such great importance to you, - Remus tries to lighten things a little.

Sirius eyes him sadly.

– Age breeds wisdom, my friend.

\- I believe, solitude and Weasleys could have even more to do with that, - Remus knows why the idea of marriage has suddenly gained such an appeal on Sirius. Since the Order is becoming busier and the Grimmauld Place has to host more and more meetings, Molly Weasley has decided to invest some time in making the house actually inhabitable. She turns up here every other day and tries to work on one room at a time. But she is not alone – her children and sometimes even her husband accompany her. Together their lot is quite loud – each and single one different in a unique way. The children are not exactly thrilled about the cleaning and tend to disappear and inspect the house on their own accord when left unattended. Arthur is mostly just waiting for his wife to tell him what to do or chatting about charmed/cursed muggle objects (Regurgitating Toilets are the hottest news now) and his collection of power-sockets, power-plugs and light-bulbs. And Molloy has her very own opinion about how a household should be run (and it does not agree with Sirius). At first Sirius was constantly clashing with all of them – his leisurely bachelor lifestyle suddenly being interrupted. But after a few days (when Remus had introduced the Weasley twins as the next prankster generation, Arthur had spent a whole afternoon remembering his flying Ford Anglia and Molly had roasted a whole turkey on Sirius's account) a wind of change was felt in the air. After the Weasleys had left Remus found his friend deep in thought walking the empty house and looking at the large kitchen table and the pile of freshly washed dishes.

\- One has this impression that there will always be enough time, - Sirius looks Remus in the eye. – But it's fake. When we were young, we used to make fun of James for marrying so young. We said that he should explore the life before tying himself down, enjoy his youth a little like we did, - Remus raises an eyebrow, - ok, ok, like _I_ did. But… what else is there, honestly?

Remus is surprised. Not for Sirius coming to such a conclusion but for saying it out loud. Confession of the ultimate prankster. Or more like… a regret?

\- So, - Remus clears his throat, - just to clarify, if you had the possibility to get your hands on a Time-Turner, you would live differently. Meaning, pick a girl from the crowd of your groupies and start a family. Have a lot of kids. Is that what you are saying?

\- Well… - Sirius thinks a little. – I guess so.

Yes. Definitely a regret in his voice now.

\- Would sell your motorcycle to buy a minivan?

\- Whoa, whoa, slow down. Even Arthur Weasley needs a hobby, - they laugh for a moment. – But in sober earnest, yes, James was right. What do I have now? A name. A stupid, dark, unnecessary name. And you? Not even that.

There is a silence. Somehow their conversation has lost lightness again.

\- Nobody needs me, - Sirius says darkly. – Nobody cares if I live or die.

The blind selfishness of Sirius shows itself again and Remus's sympathy shrinks abruptly.

\- I do, Harry does and actually I believe Nymphadora does as well, - he says firmly. – You forget there are still things to fight for.

\- Harry is not even allowed to live with me, the ex con. Instead I get the Weasleys…

\- Sirius, stop it, - Remus is stern now. Sirius has hit a painful spot. - We are both alive, which cannot be said about James, the war is upon us and the Order needs us. Harry needs us. If we are lucky, you will get your life back – a wife, kids, fame, honor, wealth, motorcycles, Harry, anything you want. You will wash you name clean. You _can_ still have all the possibilities in the world but only if we _win_! And wallowing in self-pity is not a great start.

They stare at one other. Remus breathes rapidly – he is biting his tongue not to add _you still have the possibility to live fully even now, unlike me_. He is again forced to face this eternal verity that no matter what the outcome of this war he will always be an outcast, forced to live in shadows, hide his identity, trying to scrape together enough money to survive… Usually Remus doesn't get this worked-up about this issue. He is too used to his position, but Sirius's egoism has sparked some angry disappointment on this subject even during their Hogwarts days.

\- I… I have to get ready for a mission, - Remus turns around to climb the stairs to his room to calm down. – And you… just take care not to end up in the Department of Mysteries, the Time Room, okay? – Remus doesn't actually expect a reply and climbs the stairs alone. Sirius can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. A typical Black. And speaking of Blacks, this evening Remus is paired up with the least tainted of their members according to Sirius, namely, Nymphadora Tonks.

Remus walks into his room, sits on the bed and tries to compose himself. Nymphadora. He has never been on an assignment with her before, so he doesn't know what to expect. Will she be as annoyingly rude as Mundungus Fletcher? Remus somehow doubts that – everyone is complaining about Mundungus but he hasn't heard anything about Nymphadora. Will she be a bag of nerves like Alastor Moody - she is his protégée after all – and will poke him in the ribs for constant vigilance every 15 minutes? He somehow doubts that as well.

Since turning his attention towards her, seems to calm his nerves, Remus takes some time to remember everything he knows about her so far. _She is nice_ , had been Arthur's conclusion after their mission together. _Old cheerful, colorful_ _Tonks_ , Bill had shared his Hogwarts impressions last Thursday. _Yes, you complete arse of a brother, she is clumsy and loud, but she is more fun than you can ever dream to be_ , he had overheard Ginny angrily defending her new friend in front of Ron. So what did he have? Nice, cheerful, colorful, clumsy, fun and of course all his former observations – eager, friendly, weird, brave, short of temper. Remus sighs. She sure seemed like a nice person, but nothing was ever said about cleverness, knowledge, experience, skill or cautiousness so far – the really important characteristics for a mission.

But it wasn't to be changed anyway. He will simply have to work for both of them then.


	4. Chapter 4

They meet in the Headquarters kitchen where Remus sits already fully clothed for the mission ahead and ready to immerse himself in the waiting night. Luckily Sirius has finally retired and there are not going to be any more fights this evening. Tonks comes in wearing her usual combat outfit, hair lime green.

\- Wotcher, - she greets him, throwing a light backpack on a chair. – Do you mind if I change my clothes? I come straight from work and it would have been suspicious to do it there.

\- Not at all, - he smiles encouragingly. - Do as you please.

Remus can tell she is a bit nervous – whether it is due to him, the mission or something else he cannot tell. But she has nothing to worry about. They are still in the observation phase, so no-one is getting really close to the enemy camp. Plus he has worked with many young recruits before. They were all terrified of doing something wrong and eager to prove themselves. Remus knows how to take the lead gently, be patient and eventually make everyone relax. Nothing unexpected should happen tonight.

\- So what do you want me to be? – Tonks suddenly catches him off guard. – Your mother? Wife? Daughter? Girlfriend? I must say granddaughter or granny would look weird but it can give a real advantage when a toddler suddenly stuns someone.

For a moment Remus is totally taken aback and doesn't understand what she means at all.

Tonks chuckles.

\- I am asking who should I morph into, silly, - she laughs.

\- Oh, - Remus has to laugh at himself as well. – I don't care. Though you should know we don't have any baby-carriages stored in this house.

\- Shame. I would have really enjoyed your singing voice while trying to put me to sleep, - she keeps joking. – Ok. Then I will be your girlfriend. You look like someone in midlife crisis who could use some company, being all so serious and tattered. I could play some silly bimbo, and we would dreamily gaze at the stars.

Remus is so surprised by her blunt words that he truly has to regain his posture. But she has blurted it out without the slightest ill-meaning in her tone. She is simply messing around. After all she is still young and doesn't mean any harm - Remus reminds himself.

Then she morphs herself – long legs, slender body and long, blond, wavy hair. She dazzles him with a perfect smile, and Remus realizes he must be staring open-mouthed. He composes himself again.

\- What? Too sexy for you? – she laughs again. – But you are right. This is too showy and attention drawing, plus to make it believable I would have to wear heels and I am too clumsy for that, - she concentrates again and the result is a lovely middle aged brunette. – Let's pretend she is an astrologist and plans to educate you about different constellations tonight. What do you say? – she winks.

Remus must say he is impressed by her ability to change personalities this quickly. He nods and smiles.

\- Good. Then I am going to change the outfit, - and she disappears around the corner.

Remus uses this time to pull himself together. He is totally distracted by her skills. _Smitten_ is probably an even better description. Nymphadora is a mouthful – more than he expected or bargained for. And, Merlin, they haven't even made out of the Headquarters yet. Is the whole night going to be like this?

She is back in a few minutes wearing a khaki set like some ornithologist and seems ready to go. Remus gets up from the chair and suddenly feels old in comparison to her radiating energy.

It doesn't get any better on the street. They are allowed to apparate some of the distance but not all, since the Death Eaters are not supposed to hear them arriving. This leaves a good walking distance in the outskirts of London. Tonks jokes and fidgets a lot, and since she is naturally unstable on her feet, she also stumbles a lot. Remus tries to keep an eye on both the surroundings and his companion but more than once he has to suddenly leap forward to catch her almost falling off the sidewalk. Every time her cheeks get bright red and the hair starts to change the color as well. Fortunately it is dark but it is still attention drawing to say the least.

Finally they get to the appointed location – two buildings opposite each other on a small, curved street. The one on the right is known to have been in possession of Yaxsley family for generations and is generally believed to be empty and unused. However, the latest information states that it is being used to recruit new Death Eaters.

Remus expects the mission to continue the same way it is going right now with Tonks causing more problems than helping - but this is where it changes.

Suddenly she becomes all focused and professional. She looks for the best spot, searches the perimeter and puts on some concealment spells. She examines the place thoroughly without making any noise at all. When they sit down she starts a spying journal as it is normal during her working hours.

Remus takes his place beside her quietly. He was ready to teach her the basics but his assistance is not needed this time. In fact he has taken a few notes from her himself. Now they have to sit and wait for the progress of events.

After an hour Remus takes a sandwich-box out of his bag.

\- Want some? – he offers. During the last hour Tonks has been on constant guard. She is so agitated her muscles are almost trembling. She thinks such alertness being good, all Moody's _constant vigilance_ training and what not, but Remus knows that body cannot hold such stress level for too long - the survival instincts are going to kick in, cut the energy supply and force her into fight or flight. The girl needs to learn how to relax, or she is going to lose it at the most inopportune moment. Therefore Remus offers her a sandwich - to both give her some energy and switch her attention elsewhere.

She looks at him as if she had been stunned.

\- You cook? – she asks taken by surprise.

\- No. Only butter the bread, - back in the days of Hogwarts Remus had always taken on the sandwich duty whenever Marauders had something planed. If he hadn't, Sirius and James would have always been grumpy because of hunger. This habit has survived even the years without his friends and now Nymphadora Tonks can benefit from it.

\- That _is_ cooking, - she declares with confidence.

\- If you say so, - he still thinks cooking is what Molly does. This is just providing something edible. But it seems Tonks really appreciates the gesture. She eats the first sandwich with such appetite that Remus quietly offers her all of his. He has certain suspicion.

\- Did you have lunch today? – he asks but already knows the answer.

\- No. I was preparing for the mission instead.

Remus shakes his head - a typical Black - being devoted only to here and now and never planing ahead.

After about half an hour later some action finally starts to take place on the street. A few hooded figures suddenly emerge from the winding bystreet leading four young men to the door and disappear in the house. Tonks and Lupin observe in silence how lights are turned on behind a small window on the ground floor and the two large windows on the first floor. Tonks, who was quite laid-back after the meal, is concentrated again and is literally bouncing.

\- You know, - she slowly says. - This could be a perfect opportunity.

\- Pardon?

\- If it is initiation they will collect all wands from the initiates and keep them in the other room during the ceremony. There is usually only one person guarding them, plus this person is usually occupied taking notes on them. We could really take advantage of that.

Remus is getting cautious. He realises something is going on in her mind - something unforseen and probably even dangerous.

\- What do you mean by _taking advantage_ …? - he starts but then his curiosity takes over. - Wait, _how_ do you know all of this?

\- I have read the interrogatory protocols after the First Wizarding War. Such cowardly traitors as Karkaroff told all kinds of valuable stuff. As we know they value traditions therefore I think we do have a shot.

\- _For what_ , _Tonks_? - now he is alert. She is definitely planning something on her own accord right now, something that goes far beyond only observing.

\- We could identify them by wands – Olivander clearly keeps a register – and then put a trace on their wands afterwards.

Remus quickly goes through his options here. If he starts to argue with her right now they might not only miss the course of events across the street but also quite possibly draw attention towards them and get revealed. That is too dangerous. So he decides to reason with her.

\- It is illegal, - he says. It is a weak argument but nothing better comes to mind in an instant.

\- Death-eating is also illegal, - Tonks wards him off not even taking one look at him. She draws her wand.

\- Wait! - Remus grabs her hand and his voice turns to heated whispers. This situation is getting out of hand and he has to regain the control instantly. - It is not what we are supposed to be doing. Our mission is to _observe,_ not _interact_.

\- So you will let the perfect opportunity pass you by? - she snaps, finally turning towards him. - Have you always been this passive, blindfolded rule-follower?

This hits Remus hard. It is an argument he has had many times with his friends and himself alike - that he is a coward. The last time he thought about it was when Sirius escaped Azkaban and Remus couldn't bring himself to tell Dumbledore that Sirius was an Animagus. But before that he had spent many nights wondering if his friends would still be alive hadn't he been so passive during the First Wizarding war. And now the situation repeats itself. Is this now a mistake to follow Dumbledore's orders and not take risky chances?

He swallows the insult and tries to compose himself. He needs to keep his head clear. He is the older one here bearing the responsibility and also being in charge. It is his call.

\- Nymphadora, we are not doing this, - his voice is steady and calm, yet powerful. There are not going to be any more discussions, it is his final say.

His tone has the expected effect - Tonks sits back and looks at him. She seems to even have calmed down a bit. There is also a surprise in her eyes.

Remus hates to overpower someone and oppress their ideas. He feels he needs to explain and also give her some credit.

\- Tonks, we are not prepared. We don't have the plan of the house, we don't know what they are doing and we don't have any backup. This is a shot in the dark and it could jeopardize not only us but the whole Order. I cannot allow it, - her shoulders start to sag and Remus feels guilty. - However, your idea is not bad in general. You should bring it up in the next meeting, - and thus their argument comes to an end.

They keep waiting for another hour. Tonks is quiet and seems to be lost in thought. Remus is eying her warily from time to time, trying to decide how to proceed. Suddenly the lights go out and all the hooded figures come out on the street one by one and depart in different directions.

After about fifteen minutes without any action Remus stands up.

\- I believe this is it. - he says and streches his muscles. - If you give me your notes, I will write the report, - he looks at her unchanged face and decides to offer her some friendly support. - Which direction are you heading? I could accompany you at least to the nearest safe Apparition Point.

Tonks looks at him uneasy.

\- About my actions this evening…

\- It never happened, - Remus interrupts and she smiles cautiously.

Tonks gathers her things and they head out on the street. Tonks walks in silence, and Remus cannot think of anyting to cheer her up. He knows she feels guilty.

\- Mad-Eye always says I am too impulsive, - she quietly says.

\- Then it is good that I am so passive, - Remus playfully pokes her side.

\- About that… I didn't mean it.

\- No offence taken.

Tonks is still all serious.

\- You know, - she is looking away somewhere far ahead, - I thought that I was finally going to fight… make a difference, - one can feel a deep disappointment and longing behind her words. - I became an Auror because of _them_. To fight them… To prove myself… I swore my loyalty to the ministry but it is doing _absolutely nothing, -_ her fists clenches _.-_ And then Mad-Eye came to me and I thought _finally_. Finally I get to do my duty, - she stops and looks him in the eye. There are tears flickering in her lashes. - Can you understand?

Remus looks at her but all he sees are his old friends - alive and eager to fight. He shakes his head to escape the memories. - Yes, Tonks, I can, - she is so young, innocent and naive. What does she know of war and loss? Nothing. She awaits it all with eagerness, he - with dread. She hopes for an early beginning, he - early end. She expects vengeance, he - more death. Their points of view are so completely different, nevertheless Remus knows how she feels because he was once exactly the same. Time changes things. Knowing what is to come, Remus practically has to force the next words out of himself. - Trust me, your opportunities will come, and we have to be well-prepared for them. That is why this job is so important.

They walk in silence for a few more minutes, then Remus gets curious.

\- But going back to your plan. How were you planning to get into the house unnoticed? The door was sealed and guarded.

\- Through the cat flap.

He looks at her astonished.

\- You can morph into a cat?

\- No, - she laughs. Her laughter is clear and fresh like morning rain. - I cannot morph into animals. I simply would have made myself extremely thin and small. Luckily getting smaller works without parading around naked afterwards, - Remus looks perplexed. - The clothes tend to tear if I morph bigger, - she explains, and Remus has to laugh as well.

They have reached the Apparition Point.

\- Well… - Tonks looks at him. - Thanks for the sandwiches.

\- Thanks for salvaging my midlife crisis.

They smile at each other and disapparate.

Back in Grimmauld Place Remus goes to the kitchen and slowly sits down. He has to think through the events of this evening again and again. Not only about her actions but about her in general. How could he have been so blind? He feels ashamed. Not about his behaviour but of his lack of judgment for Tonks before.

He had figured out the obvious things – the clumsiness, the eagerness, the friendliness and the ability to change shape. He had thought her funny, joyful and sometimes childish little girl. But he had overseen the important things – the things Mad-Eye had noticed. And the signs had been in front of him all the time – Remus has absolutely no excuse. She was an Auror, even more – the only one to make it through the training in the last 3 years. She was also a metamorphmagus in a world where anyone different was considered a threat. And she was a Black – knowing all the trouble Sirius had gone through for his surname alone, it had to mean something.

But that was not what he had learned this evening. No, there were far more important things.

She was brave. She was sharp. She was clever, intelligent and skillful. And most importantly she was loyal.


	5. Chapter 5

The following weeks run by quickly and Remus spends a few more missions together with Tonks, as she gets more and more relaxed around him. To his own surprise Remus soon comes to realisation that being on duty with Tonks is something he enjoys very much.

Whilst he has managed to convince her to give up thoughts of spontaneous interference, she still produces ideas persistently, therefore they have come to an agreement of discussing what _could be_ done. Remus finds this approach good since it gives them opportunity to share information and come up with back-up plans just in case. And it doesn't take more than two such missions for Remus to get even more impressed with her sharpness and innovativeness than before. Tonks is a clear out-of-the-box-thinker and a do-first-think-later kind of a person - the complete opposite to Remus - she combines the existing and possible, theory and practice and even time and space so beautifully he is sometimes speechless. Her suggestions are generally not bad at all, only a bit reckless, hasty and sometimes unrealistic - and this is where Remus comes in handy. He stops her wild train of thought with his well thought-out advice and shows her the weak links - mostly the lack of a plan B, a hole in a brilliant theory or unnoticed details. Luckily she takes criticism well and simply adapts the plan without holding any grudges even after being redirected several times. These kind of conversations tend to start slowly but dynamically build into brainstorms where they fuel each other - which is very intense and challenging for Remus since he has to keep up with her speed of thought and constantly push his mind over limits. Tonks tends to calm down rapidly afterwards but his flight of ideas often doesn't stop there and keeps him occupied long after. It is not uncommon these days that after a mission he doesn't go to sleep but sits on a window-sill thinking till breakfast. He feels as if woken up from a long sleep not having experienced many stimulating conversations in long years let alone only in a few short weeks.

In the mean time, while there are no Death Eaters in sight, they enjoy easy meals (Remus keeps making her sandwiches and she discovers his preferences soon enough as well, starting a habit of bringing him a few bars of chocolate and some of her favourite take-aways every time) and simply chat - as they find many topics of common interest. Remus has been a professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts but Tonks has gone through an in-depth training of this subject. She turns out to be quite knowing in many subjects and holds interest for unusual use of common spells. They discuss the opinions of theory and practice, different approaches to common problems and compare experience with different spells and skills (even a few quick demonstrations take place although they totally shouldn't be doing this while in hiding). Tonks also likes to share funny stories from work and Remus recalls some old pranks from Hogwarts. They get on really well, as if they had been friends for years. And in Remus case he hasn't met a more fascinating companion his whole life.

Then the time comes when Tonks accidentally discovers his and Sirius' lazy evenings by the fire and naturally wants to take part. In the presence of a girl Sirius wants to show off at first but Tonks quickly puts him back in place, thus starting a pleasant routine of two becoming three at least three evenings in a week. They spend their time laughing, discussing total nonsense, trying different spells or pranks on each other and eating whatever leftovers can be found after Weasleys or whatever Remus can cook. Sirius usually brings some alcohol, downs most of it and then falls asleep, while Remus and Tonks keep chatting long after midnight. With Sirius already snoozing they often continue those deeply scientific discussions about probabilities. Remus often gets some parchment and quill to write down their current ideas hoping to work on them later and probably even develop some correlations or diagrams. Tonks, however, has a more practical approach and wants to try out everything here and now - Remus usually talks her out of it, since he doesn't want any casualties. Nevertheless they have a lot of fun. In fact, so much fun, that Remus starts to fear how it all will end. Unexpectedly he has found comfort and joy once more while the world is on the brink of destruction again. It is dangerous to get hopes up, Remus knows that, since the history might repeat itself, but it is tempting, oh, so tempting. There are times when he feels almost as happy and carefree as once back in Hogwarts. It is funny how similar it is. Then there were the Marauders - the four shapeshifters, as he liked to call them - now there is the Grimmauld Place with only three of them, but shapeshifters again. He wonders how it comes to be. However, he cannot deny that the most of his newly found happiness he owes to one certain member in particular - Tonks. This revelation makes him a bit pensive though.

He feels as if he had found a ray of light in the most unlikely of places and feels unaccountably drawn towards it. In her presence time and events have significance and colour, outshining his memories and past. He feels more alive, present and in tune with the world than he can ever remember himself to be. All regret, weariness and hopelessness simply disappear, hours rush by and Remus doesn't want them to end. This feeling - so unexpected, partly long forgotten and partly completely new at first confuses and alerts him. What is happening? Why her? Is he developing some kind of crush on her? He has liked girls before, yes, but that was a long time ago and never overstepped simple physical attraction. This is different. A lot stronger. He simply feels _good_ with her, relaxed and alert at the same time, as if she could unburden and heal him. Even the air feels fresher by her side and every breath gives him more strength and will to live. If such a moment could be frozen and preserved he would be content to stay in it for centuries.

Occupied with his feelings during his time alone, Remus at first doesn't even realise how Tonks-tuned he actually is. Only when Arthur asks whether they had packed in the binoculars after the mission the day before, and Remus cannot recall using any at all, while he can precisely describe every outfit Tonks has worn in the last five weeks, it clicks. This is no crush at all. Far worse - he has started to fall in love with Nymphadora Tonks.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius POV

The autumn has finally arrived with all its dullness and wetness so characteristic to the British Isles. It rains constantly and the streets are covered in mud and fog. It sure is depressing but I find it more likable than the warm and sunny summer afternoons when I had to constantly mourn my confinement. Now it is unpleasant both inside and outside, but since it is dry only inside and the hearth is also available, I don't feel the pull to go out anymore. And of course, I have company.

Now there are three of us – me, Remus and Nymphadora. I don't really conceive how she managed to join this pair of bachelors but I am certainly glad she did, since Nymphadora brings the spark with her. Beforehand me and Remus often talked about the past and our conversations were often cheerless and bleak – what else could an ex con and an unemployed werewolf talk about if not the times long gone by. But now the past is left to the ghosts it belongs. Nymphadora comes with all her funny and thrilling stories about the ministry and catching criminals nowadays. It turns out the Auror Office can be quite a stressful and hostile place if you are a young woman with Death Eaters for relatives, weird taste in outlook and an ambition to climb the carrier ladder. Scrimgeour can be a rash and demanding boss, screaming and banging his fist on the table about the most trivial things; some of her colleges are arrogant bootlickers and ass-kissers and paperwork can get really overwhelming. But Nymphadora somehow manages to give everything a taste of fun – she comes up with hilarious jokes about her fellow colleagues _(we are supposed to give each other short and indecipherable code-nicknames for dangerous situations and I suggested to shorten "Moody" to "Moo". Well, a week later I, Savage and Mad-Eye were stationed near a cow farm and afterwards we, meaning me and Savage, had to write a really long explanation of why we cannot hold our shit together)_ , finds creative ways to finish her reports _(he [Scrimgeour] asked me to hand-in a_ thicker _report this time, so he could_ see _I had put some work into it. I bloody well know he doesn't read it. Ever. So, I simply drew him some comics of how I captured those two muggle-stunners. A page for every movement, spell or hair-colour change. And, trust me, when I am nervous I can change my hair a lot. Haven't heard about needing any improvements ever since – I guess it was_ thick _and_ demonstrative _enough then, ha-ha)_ and fights with techniques never described in any manual or textbook _(I had to capture his attention before he spotted Savage, so I morphed my boobs so large even my Spandex bra didn't fit anymore. Little did I know that he was gay. Then I stopped playing around and simply Bat-Bogeyed his face. The funny part is no-one apart from me in the Office knew how to get it off. Aurors, huh)_. And, of course, she also tells about the funniest moments and pitfalls of her everyday life ( _the best way to test guy's faithfulness is to take him to a bar, excuse yourself to bathroom and then come back as another girl willing to flirt with him. Gods, you wouldn't believe what jerks some men are! But the best part is that you can get revenge by coming to him as a new girl all evening long and playing out the weirdest scenarios on him. Marius Aldwin, for example, still hasn't recovered from the 37-versions-of-me-in-one-go, because I caught him already making out with some girl before I had even started the test! Can you imagine?! The main trick is never to reveal this skill too early in a relationship, I am telling you!_ ). Nymphadora jokes and talks with such ease, we laugh all the time. I notice Remus does it less than me – only chuckles and smiles at the funniest parts, whereas I often almost fall off the chair – and I soon realize he has already heard many of these stories in their missions together. They get actually paired up a lot these days, when I think about it.

But it still takes me ridiculously long time to spot the obvious – Remus fancies her – and it takes me by such a surprise, I really have to check twice.

Since I cannot believe my own eyes, I start by simply observing them closely - their interaction. They joke and laugh with each other rather freely and even have their own private jokes developed. They also seem to know each other quite well – what one does or doesn't like, enjoy or find interesting – Nymphadora always arrives with Honeydukes Chocolate bar in her pocket and Remus hurries to make her strawberry tea every time that Troll-leg umbrella stand marks her arrival with a bang. He also seems to have taken a silent notice to remove any sharp or fragile objects from her path, while she makes his task easier by one day showing up with a rubber tea-set ( _so I can make some hot chocolate for you sometimes,_ she blushes, giggles and they both laugh). Not to even mention the weird and colourful vocabulary Remus has started to develop when joking with her and the decent, literal anecdotes she is nowadays telling him. I wonder what they are doing while stationed together at those endless lonely mission nights. A single bachelor and a young, beautiful and funny metamorphomagus - at least I know what I would suggest. But knowing Remus… they most likely only talk.

Nevertheless, Remus seems quite eager to go on these missions – one can spot a lift in his spirits at least 24 hours before, plus he is more positive and cheerful right before and straight after – he even hums to himself. Even before the most cold and rainy of these nights he smiles (and he is definitely not like this with, for example, Arthur Weasely). On the next morning he likes to sit by himself and seems a bit distracted as if still dreaming or most likely replaying their conversation in his head for the hundredth time already. He looks so much younger and careless than I have _ever_ seen him before. And there is also warmth and lightness in his eyes. All these small signs – the careful attention to her preferences and needs, the quiet euphoria and, most importantly, not trying to politely disappear upstairs (as he has done so many times with my most blatant admirers) – might slip unnoticed to someone else, but reveal a lot to me of his inner reflection. He still hasn't done anything extreme like serenading all night long, as I have done, or constantly talking about the girl, as James did, not even mere blushing or stuttering – but I also don't await these things from him. Remus has never been the one to fool around with anyone – not even us during his Hogwarts years, let alone a girl. His signs are far more subtle and delicate, albeit therefore not less relevant. And I sense something else as well – it takes me a moment to name it since this feeling has been foreign to me for many years – hope. I have seen this mixture radiating of a friend of mine before – James, when he had finally started to date Lily. It is obvious Remus is falling for her. Hard.

But sometimes when Nymphadora is having the most fun I notice Remus watching her from side-lines. He doesn't share her fun, only observes, while having this sad smile on his lips and I already see the shadow of retraction in his eyes. Not yet in full effect but it is already there – as if he was saying _such happiness was never meant for me and I dare not spoil it._ He is already preparing to let her go.

I am not sure how Nymphadora feels though. Remus I have known for years, therefore he is easy to read, her on the other hand… But when I look more closely, I find hints as well - how she always wants to sit closer to him than me and even then still turns towards him; how she always laughs louder and seems more girly when he is around; how she looks at him when telling a story, eager for his response; or how she peeks behind me in the hallway already rushing by, but lingers next to the Troll-leg chatting for ages, in case Remus opens the door. These are also small signs and easy to miss, and I can only hope to interpret them right.

However, that is behaviour in public, while the real test is how they behave alone. After a few moments of thought I play one of my finest tricks on them - fake my own drowsiness. And when my hindering presence is out of the way, I finally see them both come to life. A very weird conversation starts about Gamp's Law's Exceptions and how many food particles are needed to multiply till infinity, which is purely scientific and seems to have been in progress already. I don't understand a thing but that is alright since it gives me more time to simply observe them. Their voices become quieter but more intense, bodies lean toward another and eyes start to sparkle. Remus' inner professor has come to light again - that was the reason why me and James expected him to become a scholar - when I think about it I haven't seen this spark for all 13 years now. But here it is and still definitely burning strong. He even goes and retrieves some old books from his room and enthusiastically scribbles something on a parchment for a few minutes while my dear cousin follows every move of his hand and eyes. I am surprised he doesn't notice the dreamy expression of hers but I guess he is too busy. Nymphadora inspires him, hm... interesting. I watch them discuss different approaches to some known problem which I have never heard of and I am impressed that Nymphadora can keep up with Moony. Then she suggests a practical demonstration and I rejoice but Remus talks her out of it soon enough - the old coward. They discuss some alternative approaches and then retire soon afterwards.

But I have already seen enough. I open my eyes and sit up. This is no mere attraction. They are madly in love. Head over heels. I practise my well-timed naps over the next few weeks and observe more of the same behaviour. Nymphadora seems trying to get closer to Remus but she doesn't get past Moony's attentive-teacher's-attitude, since he, of course, still has no idea what is going on. Amusing as it is, it soon becomes too painful to watch - they have to get helped.

I have to admit I really care about these two and after giving it some thought I believe they wouldn't be bad together after all – Remus needs someone not prejudiced to cheer him up and Nymphadora could use someone good mannered and chivalrous suitor to feel more like a girl and not some tomboy. It is not that simple though – Remus and his insecurities can be a hard nut to crack. I really have to reconsider how to proceed here not to destroy something before it even begins. If my assumptions are correct, none of them has even registered their feelings yet.

I wait till Remus excuses himself to retire with the saddest expression in his eyes (tomorrow night is full moon) and then fake my own waking with all the adequate stretching and yawning. I make sure Remus is really up in his room, before I casually place myself next to quietly singing Nymphadora, who washes the silly rubber cups, and start the interrogation.

\- So, what are you going to do about him?

My sudden question makes her jump and turn around.

\- Who?

\- Remus, - she looks at me totally perplexed, therefore I continue. – He fancies you but you must realize he will never do anything about it. So, the question is – will you?

It slowly dawns on her what I mean and she thinks a bit.

\- Why wouldn't he ever do anything about it?

\- Because of what he is, - I carefully answer. Moment of truth. I have to find out whether she knows about the lycanthropy not revealing his secret in the process in case she doesn't. Remus would never forgive me for that.

\- A werewolf? - oh, thanks God she knows. This makes things easier.

\- Yes.

\- I don't care, - God bless her.

\- I know. So didn't we – his friends – but Remus can be very, very stubborn when it comes to things he doesn't deserve or allow himself. You will see soon enough.

\- Doesn't deserve? – she sounds a bit enraged. – Who told this to him?

\- Society. The world. Life itself. Call it as you want.

\- It's bullshit.

\- I agree, - I think a bit. There is something I want to add but I don't want to get hexed in the process. – Nym… Tonks, if you are not interested, don't play with him. But if you are – don't give up on him. He really is worth it.

She glares at me.

\- Why the hell do you think I would just play with him and then throw him away like some tissue?! – she speaks slowly through gritted teeth and I am relieved to have estimated the Black loyalty correctly. She definitely fancies him as well. - I fucking know he is worth it!

\- Good, - we look at each other and somehow I start to believe they might actually work out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for waiting, everyone. From now on we will be venturing into some darker territories - so get ready. You will also notice, I have used some lines of Remus's biography released in Pottermore. Happy reading!**

After his striking realization Remus spends a few days deep in thought. He needs time to pull himself together and decide how to proceed in these most unexpected of circumstances. He has never been in love before and has also not expected to come across it at his late age. But it has happened, and now he has to deal with it. Was is during peacetime, he would simply retreat to some distant corner of this island and nurse his aching soul into oblivion. Unluckily for him this happens during time of war – so he must stay and face this mess head on.

Remus expects nothing but misery to come out of this. To make sure he simply has to look at the facts – he is a 35 years old unemployed lycanthrope who has fallen in love with a 22 years old Auror at the brink of what is expected to be one of the bloodiest Wizarding Wars in history. No, nothing good is ever going to come out of this. One or both of them might even get killed – which would be a solution itself in case of his death and an insufferable pain in case of hers. But if they live… well, Nymphadora is a brilliant, young and funny witch, she is not going to stay single for long and the pain of seeing her find a handsome, young wizard is going to be… excruciating. Remus is really not sure whether that would be so much better than the death itself.

So – he breathes in and out deeply – what choice does he have left? It seems but one – to distance himself as much as possible and concentrate on the job at hand. And if he is lucky enough he might fall out of love. If not – well he can only hope that after witnessing her newly found happiness by itself, his old and foolish heart would comprehend the rightness of her decision, quiet down and finally find some peace. Probably they could even remain close friends without any inappropriate feelings interfering. Probably…Yes, he would like that very much. But for the time being he must stay away.

But staying away is easier said than done. Everything in him seems to come to life upon her mere existence by jolting at her every appearance and then rolling in waves with all kinds of emotions starting with joy and ending with utter desperation. And this emotional rollercoaster does not stop or slow with her departure but goes on unceasingly till the next jolt – it tortures his every waking moment and then even sneaks into his dreams.

All their meetings and being close nearby have now become a constant waver between heaven and hell (if one is aware of Muggle religious beliefs). Remus is torn between the obligation to stay away and the want to get ever closer. He observes Nymphadora in silence from afar and tries to justify his decision, but ends up only marvelling at her every move and craving her company even more – she is all he could dream of: beautiful, intelligent, strong, loyal, kind and funny… and he has to simply let her pass him by (because them being distant friends doesn't even justify him calling it _letting go_ \- they have not been close enough for that. All the same, it still hurts immensely).

However, it is during one of their once so cosy evenings by the fire (where Remus tries to lock himself away now), when he finally notices how chatty and even conspirational Nymphadora has become with… Sirius. They are exchanging grins and smirks and playfully punching each other in the ribs, whenever Remus seems not to be looking. And somehow he gets this idea this is about him or rather… the absence of him, since they start to secretly whisper among themselves anytime he is thought to be somewhere else. Like having some big secret. Whenever he is present (and looking), they both interact with him perfectly normal, if not even a little bit suggestively naughty of late. And Remus cannot hunt away the feeling - although he starts to call himself paranoid - she has already found someone to fancy in this very house.

To be honest, this situation is nothing new, since Sirius has always managed to attract girls with his bad-boy demeanur. And Remus can recall at least one case when Sirius has hit it off with a girl Remus might have liked or might come to like, or when he has been abruptly left standing completely alone, because his female conversation partner had suddenly spotted his best friend showing up. But all of this was a long time ago and Remus doesn't hold any grudges about it since what would be the point – relationships were never an option for Remus anyway.

But now he can only think – must it really be _her_ as well?! He had hoped to have some time to come to terms with this idea of her future boyfriends, before facing them head on. But it seems, the life is pranking him once again. And what is Sirius even thinking?! What would Nymphadora ever gain from such affair – Sirius is a widely recognized escaped convict, trapped in his own house, fifteen years her senior and her cousin above everything else – in this light they both might even be on the same level of unsuitability for her - but then Remus is reminded that Sirius most likely is not thinking about Nymphadora at all, only himself. This has also happened a few times before still in Hogwarts and Remus has even been left to clean up the mess with some of the girls his friend had grown bored of. The selfish git!

These thoughts make Remus angry and he even considers pulling Nymphadora aside for a talk. But then it occurs to him, that she is actually an adult completely able to decide for herself and none of this is his buisness anyway. And probably…no, _most likely_ , he is imagining things out of jelousy. This cools him down a bit – what would Sirius think if he knew Remus was getting jelous of his chatter with his cousin, because he had fallen in love with the said cousin. No, better make sure Sirius never finds out.

But however complicated the meetings and evenings with Nymphadora might have become, it is nothing when compared to the Order's missions nowadays, which Remus has come to both await with impatience and increasingly fear. Because that is when the hurricane in him really breaks lose. While being in company with Sirius and others, Remus can isolate himself and fence Nymphadora off, thus retaining clear mind – but this is completely impossible during missions, since he has to be alert to their surroundings and work with her as a partner. Without any shielding walls he encounters his raging feelings in full force, heightened to madness in her presence. It is like experiencing a real war within his own flesh – one part of him wants to openly socialize and even make advances at her and the other beats the former one in the dust for even considering that. Shame of his own impulses and fear of falling prey to distraction and thus endangering their lives and the whole Order mission nicely join in the mix. This whole ordeal is getting so increasingly overwhelming, Remus has grown tense and so overly concentrated it has become a distraction itself. He cannot even play it cool anymore, and Nymphadora has surely noticed these changes of late. She has not said anything to him yet, but he has caught her observing eye.

But in the end, it is actually during one of their Order missions when the truth is revealed. And - alas! – it is not what Remus has expected at all.

They are both laying in hiding near Dolohov's country house, when Nymphadora takes up the conversation about Azkaban.

\- Sirius says, there is nothing left of Dolohov anymore, only pure hatred and loyalty to You-Know-Who. The same for Bellatrix. Sometimes I wonder, whether Azkaban does not actually make them stronger and more dangerous.

\- I would not say that, - Remus disagrees. His manner of speaking is still polite, but tense and somewhat edgy. – Look at Sirius, for instance. He came out a haunted man. Drained of all joyfullness and full of revenge. Only a shell composed of the darkest matter. Now, that is what Azkaban does to a wizard - it rids one of everything but the inner darkness, making one go insane. And Sirius can still be considered amongst the lucky to have preserved his mind due to simple will to avenge. However, he has paid half the price anyway. Even after two and half years of recovery it is still hard for him to get rested, his reflexes are slower and he has lost a lot of strength, magical ability and practice. I am not sure he can ever be his prime again.

\- Well… yes. I suppose. Though… He is still handsome, isn't he, even after Azkaban?

This presents to Remus as the ultimate proof, he is not imagining things, and there IS really something going on between Nymphadora and Sirius after all. Who cares about distant relations as long as one's bed is warm!

And as hard as he tries, he cannot keep bitterness out of his voice.

\- That's Sirius. He always got the women, - Remus is looking at the clear November sky above him and feels like swallowing hard.

He hears rustling of leaves beside him as Nymphadora props herself up on one elbow. She appears to observe him for a second and then hisses loudly: - You, idiot! You'd know perfectly well who I have fallen for, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice!

Startled, Remus looks at her and at first her words do not make any sense to him at all – but she keeps looking at him as if he really was the world's biggest idiot. Knowledge and confidence radiate from her eyes and judging from her expression she is waiting for him to comprehend something obvious and very simple.

But if not Sirius… No. _It cannot be!_

Her eyes brighten upon his dawning realization.

And under the immeasurable vault of heaven with millions of stars shining down upon them she leans closer and softly kisses him.


End file.
